A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
