Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
