So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
