She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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