Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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