Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
