I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
