in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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