i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
