I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
