...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
