What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
