i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
