after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
