Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
