I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm at about main and main street
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
