porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
