We're like a lot better than the average bears
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
