I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
