I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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