no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
