yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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