if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
