If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
