This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
