At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
