you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
