If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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