Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
