Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
