I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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