last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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