what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
