Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
