This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
