Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
