No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The beer is more important than you right now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
