It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
