I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
