I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
