You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
