I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
