it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
