I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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