I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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