I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
