so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
