just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
