youre lurking in front of me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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