that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
