Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
