dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
