Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
