you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
