I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Who did Billy Mays play for?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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