Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just got carded by a ten year old.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
